And now, a segment stolen from Weekend Update. Really...?
Really, Craig Thompson? You paid for escort services on your work credit card? Really? You didn’t think that this would leave a trail? You call a brothel called Bad Girls from your hotel room and then tell investigators that someone else used your credit card and forged your signature. Really? But then you didn’t report the alleged fraud to the authorities. Really? And really? You expected your work to cover the cost? I have big enough troubles claiming expenses on a pack of AA batteries, and this guy is spending $2500 on prostitutes. Really.
And, really, NSW ALP? You gave preselection to someone who was an obvious liability and had a history of escorts being paid for on his work MasterCard. Really? Did you think nobody would remember you slipped him $100k so he'd avoid bankrupcy in the lead up to the election? Really? Do you like being in opposition, or do you just prefer the ‘Russian Roulette’ approach to government? I mean, really.
While we’re on the subject, Really, Prime Minister? You have ‘full confidence’ in Craig Thompson and think he’s doing a 'great job'? The last person who had that said about him while being a monumental screw up was Michael Browne, the head of FEMA in the US, and under his administration, the city of New Orleans was destroyed. Heck of a job, Brownie. Really. Were it up to me, I’d eject him from the cabinet, the party and the parliament for just been a total ’tard. Really.
But, at the end of the day, Really, Craig Thompson? If you want to pay for a prostitute, you can always use your own credit card, because in Victoria and NSW – guess what? It’s legal. If you did that, this isn’t news – it’s just gossip. But maybe you don’t want your family to see it on a credit card statement; good thing you used your work credit card, because now we’ve all seen it. Really. While nurses are working long shifts and actively fighting for better pay and conditions, you’re using their union dues to have your junk worked on by a girl named ‘Bubbles’. Really.
And Craig? You know that there are these things called ATMs now. Really. They dispense cash and you can pay for goods and services with it. And I cannot imagine there’s a working girl in the world that doesn’t take cash. The only hooker I know that doesn’t is LJ Hooker, and I think they would in a pinch if you asked them nice enough. Because, really. You’re not getting re-elected no matter what. If you get forced out of the parliament because of this, there’ll be a by-election, the ALP will lose the seat, lose their majority in the lower house, the caretaker PM will call a double dissolution election and then the coalition will win government in a landslide that will blow your mind more than whichever ‘Bad Girl’ did back when you were with the HSU. Then this country will be lead by Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Really.
I mean Really. Huh. Yeah. Wow.
